As what always happens with these things I’ve been epically busy organising work stuff and then dealing with the aftermath (press and whatnot) to the extent that I’ve been way too busy to blog. The Television X party at Cafe De Paris was, as you’d imagine a debauched affair and you can read interesting and differing accounts [here] and [here]. Oh and this happened as well- click [here] for a VERY nsfw pic. A ton of peeps got their picture taken with Billie from Eastenders like [this]. I, on the other hand, worked on the door and then got attacked by a branding board. Yay. Actually, I jest, it was ace fun but pretty stressful helping organising it. This [here] is my favourite picture of the night though as you can see me trying to not laugh as I explain to the Cafe De Paris staff *exactly* what Daisy and Kerry are doing on stage.

Check out my little gallery of pics of stuff what I missed cos I was too busy (make sure you click the second page of the gallery innit)…

[Show as slideshow]

12►

***Pictures courtesy of televisionx.com and Paul Smith from ETO Magazine***

My awesome friend Neon Skullz is throwing a kerazy birthday party next month in Dalston. It will be siiiiiiick if his previous parties are anything to go by. Don’t take my word for it here’s what he says…

“POW!

For the next party Neon Skullz has joined up with hardcore London Bashment selectors Shimmy Shimmy to create a very special vibe indeed.

It’s sweet little Rasta pub on Shacklewell Lane, Dalston ( about 3 minutes walk from Dalston Superstore ) with a massive back room, a fat sound-system and suitably lurid, tropical decor. There’s plenty of space for frenzied dancing and, well, you must know what to expect by now; insanely good music, surreal performance, art and riotous behaviour.

We’ll no need to imagine anymore because we’re bringing that fantasy to life! ”

And if that doesn’t convice you to click attending on this amazing event, here’s a picture of me from of the previous parties ‘Aztecs On Acid’ eating a baby’s head.

Photograhy by Gabriel Love

Syren Sexton’s *first* acceptance speech…

And her second…

Ric Porter from Portway Films with Damian Duke (srsly funny)…

And last but not least, Ms Kerry Louise!

But sssshhh! Don’t tell Kerry’s pooch Charlie he didn’t get a mention

Apache Indian’s eyebrows have a life of their own in this.

Is this one of the cheapest videos ever made?

It’s that gold bikini that makes this video special.

This video is an all-rounder. It has *all* the special elements that make these videos amaaaaaazing!

Honoury mentions go to Aswad, Inner Circle, Shabba Ranks, K7 and The Swing Kids, Snow and many many more.

[Show as slideshow]

***If you’re in any of these pictures and you want me to remove it, do let me know***

Alcohol. Who’s not a fan? Sometimes though, casual drinking just isn’t enough and you feel the need to hark back to your student days and get absolutely fucking spangled. I’ve been to some pretty mental parties over the years and I’ve realised the one group of people who know how to get proper messy are ‘wreck-heads’. The type of people who are weekend vampires and don’t see Saturday or Sunday daylight (unless of course it’s summer, it’s 10am and they’re in London Fields clutching a can of Kronenberg).

However, if this level of partying is too much for you and you’d like to be so drunk you’ll pass out before the sun comes up, you might like to try one of these drunk-games!

• Shot Connect Four. Take this simple children’s game, add tequila and you have an instant way to get fuck-eyed. Follow the normal rules, but play at breakneck speed (no hesitation my friends) and do a shot of tequila every time you lose. The more you lose, the harder you’ll find it to play at these reckless speeds.
• Human Buckaroo. Normally this game wouldn’t involve alcohol intake but I reckon I’ve found a way round this. Okay, so for those not aware of the fun that can be had with human buckaroo, it’s just like normal buckaroo except you play with one passed out party-goer and ANY OBJECT TO HAND. The way to involve you imbibing la booze is to do a shot every time something you’ve placed on your victim falls off (or they wake up, but effectively that is the end of the game). Please note, this game can be altered to become Cat Buckaroo but can end violently.
• The Shoe Rule. I don’t know how regional this rule is but I had this drummed into me as a teenager in the West Country. If someone has passed out with their shoes on you have full permission to fuck with their prone, passed out self*. If however, they had the forethought to remove their shoes they’re not truly wasted. So this game is essentially a wild card but the buckaroo drinking rules apply.
• Weekend At Bernie’s. This is a game I invented some years back but sadly have never had the opportunity to try out. I’m sharing it now because I’d like someone to try it so I can see the results. If you haven’t ever seen the ’80s classic Weekend At Bernie’s (one of my favourite films) this will make no sense to you. So, whilst at a party, find your shoed, passed out victim. Find some hats, scarves, glasses, fancy dress shiznit, you get the gist right? Dress up your victim and then prop them up and take photos of you together AS IF THEY WERE AWAKE!! Geddit?

*Illegal activities are not condoned or advised during this game. I have seen someone draw a swastika on someone’s forehead in permanentt marker though…… If anyone has the picture I know exists of this *cough* James Tibble *cough* then send it me!!!

***Image from Weekend At Bernie’s. Seriously, watch this film***

I’ve been feeling rather homesick lately. Missing my friends, missing my old haunts, and silly little things like my favourite Indian takeaway where they had a vintage sitdown Space Invaders table to play while you wait and they drew little hearts on the cardboard lids of my curries. I don’t know when I’ll next be going home, November I think, so for now I’m just going to tell you all about the main thing the West Country taught me: where to get decent cider.

• Good cider is getting easier to obtain in London. When I first moved a few years back it was just gross gross gross Magners or Strongbow only. Bleurrrgh. Now you can easily get Addlestones and maybe normal Westons in quite a few places, including Jaguar Shoes on The Kingsland Road in Shoreditch.
• There are a few places that do Vintage Westons on tap in London. Two glasses of this and I’m shit-faced. It is dangerous stuff. One of these is a truly awful bar somewhere behind the big Debenhams on Oxford Street. Don’t ask me where I’ve always been annihilated after visiting and wouldn’t have a clue what’s it’s called. The other is a delightful pub in Greenwich, right next to the ruins of The Cutty Sark. It’s called The Gipsy Moth and has a wide variety of yummy ciders. It is ace.
• Okay, the biggie: Black Rat. Years ago, my friends and I used to frequent a pub in Bath called The Farmhouse. It sold Black Rat and had live jazz. It was amazing. Now, they used to do something in there called The 5 Pint Challenge. If you could drink 5 pints of Black Rat you would get your money back. Simple, you think? Easy, right? Errrrrr WRONG! I’ve only ever known one person ever to complete it and they shat themselves afterwards. Twice. While we were out. I won’t name and shame them but er, yeh, sorry! You know I love you! So now you know the dangers of Black Rat here’s where you can buy it! If you live out west you can buy 2 pints of the stuff for a fiver at Broadlands Farm Shop in Box (they sell loads of cider for that price so make sure you try the Red Devil too. It’s the most delicious tasting cider I’ve ever had and it gets you plastered. It’s made from an apple that has red flesh so it’s a really unusual colour). If you live in London, supposedly the only place that sells it is a pub called The Garage in Southfields. I’ve never been so I cannot confirm this but if anyone wants to go check it out let me know I may just be up for it.
• Finally, my favourite pub in the entire world, The Apple in Bristol. Set on a boat in Welshback, it only serves cider. Can you get any better? A Bristolian boat that forces you to drink cider? Fucking brilliant. If you are ever in Bristol, please visit this lovely pub!

***Image of The Apple’s cider menu***